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Dating a narcissist is NOT for the weak. Most of us are usually unaware that we are in a relationship with a narcissist until it's too late. You often don't wake up to their bs until you realize that you have been gaslighted & discarded. It's normally not until the discard stage that you stop and ask yourself "WAIT, WHAT THE FU*K JUST HAPPENED?"

Below, I will discuss the tell tell signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, as well as discuss their typical behaviors and relationship patterns.

First let's discuss what a narcissist is...

A narcissist is someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

People with narcissism are often characterized with:

* an inflated and grandiose sense of importance

* obsessed with the fantasy of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love

* a deep need for excessive attention, admiration and praise

* believe they are special and unique and can only be understood by or should only associated with other special, unique and high status people

* an extreme sense of entitlement

* interpersonally exploitative behavior ( take advantage of others to achieve their own goals)

* arrogant behaviors or attitudes

* lack of empathy for others

* often have troubled relationships & friendships

Narcissist are extremely selfish usually at the expense of others and are incapable and lack the ability to consider how others may feel.

Below are some tell tell signs that you my love may have fallen for a narcissist:


You are completely unaware of this phase but this is what we call love bombing aka PHASE ONE. Did your partner drown you in so much love, attention and constant affection that you felt as if you found the one? Did they seem to say all the right things that you have been dying to hear? Was the sex super steamy and passionate? Did they always call and text to check on you? Maybe even fall asleep on the phone or on FaceTime with you?

If you answered yes to any of these, you have been love bombed. This is how they hook you. Now, let me be clear. The issue isn't that they are doing any of the above, it's normal in a relationship to have & do all the things listed above. The issue with narcissist is the time frame. Most narcissist will love bomb tf out of you immediately. You'll probably think that you are in love with them by week two and THAT is what makes the relationship with the narcissist toxic and not normal.


After all the love bombing, you will be 100% CONVINCED that this person is THE ONE. So convinced that you are willing to do whatever is necessary to keep them & make them happy. Once the narcissist is aware of this, the person that they pretended to be with you in the beginning, will begin to fade and the real manipulation begins. It will be so subtle at first, that you'll brush off a lot of the red flags.

Narcissist will often isolate you from whoever you are close with. Rather that be your friends or even your own family. They do this in hopes that you can & will rely solely on them and only them. Think of it like, divide and conquer. Once you are divided, now it's time to conquer you. With no friends around to tell you that your narcissistic partner is manipulating you, you're often completely unaware of what is happening to you, which is exactly what the narcissist wants.


Now that you're separated from your friends and family and feel dependent on them. The real fun begins. See the whole point of love bombing is to get you so in love and obsessed with that feeling of intoxicating praise and love, that you become desperate for it. Which is what they use to manipulate you into doing or becoming whatever or whoever they see fit.

You'll start to believe their bullshit that YOU'RE the problem & that YOU'VE changed which is why they don't act the same with you anymore. When in all actuality, the change in their behavior has nothing to do with you. The love bombing stage was just apart of the game. It's what they use to manipulate and bait you into doing what they please.

"Lose 10 pounds and then I might call you more during the day. Change your hair and I'll maybe start to send you flowers again."

That's the kind of mind games that narcissist like to play upon their prey and you never really catch wind of it, until it's too late..

Narcissist like to go for empaths because of their selflessness. Empaths are people who have more empathy than the normal person. They take pleasure in healing & helping others and often have a hard time saying no. Empaths to a narcissist is liking hitting the lottery. Empathy is exactly what a narcissist preys on. They lack it, so they feel no guilt when toying with your emotions and self esteem. They target those that they know are selfless and kind and are willing to do whatever for the ones that they love.

This is normally around the time that the narcissist begins to show you who they REALLY are. They'll often start accusing you of doing things that they are guilty of doing; such as cheating, lying, gaslighting, being manipulative or non trustworthy. They will start to make you question yourself & eventually over time your self esteem becomes weakened. The more down you are, the more they will feed off your weakness.

This is called the Devaluation phase.


During the devaluation phase, you might find yourself making excuses for them. You'll come up with every excuse in the book to try to justify the change in their behavior because to you, there is no way that the person you initially fell in love with, would do you like this. You'll find yourself constantly doubting what is and what isn't.

This is one of their most common manipulation tactics. It's called gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone purposely makes you question reality by denying facts. They know deep down that what you are saying is the truth, but they will deny and question you so much, that you will start to think that you're the delusional one. You'll even start to believe them that maybe you're confused and just making everything up.

Your naiveness to the manipulation is causing you to still NOT see them for who they really are. You still choose to see the good in them, like you did when you initially met. Unaware to the fact that that version of the person you met, WAS NOT REAL. Everything they said and did was done purposely to make you fall for them; which was apart of their plan all along. I like to think of them as manipulative masterminds, like jigsaw from SAW, always 10 steps ahead.

You'll find yourself doing whatever to try to please someone that doesn't want to be pleased. They like the turmoil and fighting because it justifies to them, their next move in the narcissistic cycle. After they have sucked you dry and you no longer provide them with a sense of supply by no longer feeding their ego like you used too. The shiny trophy that you once were to them, seems dull now. So now we enter the next phase, THE DISCARD.


During the discard phase, you have indeed been discarded, dumped, played & given the boot. This is normally when you find out that they have been cheating & entertaining lovers all along. To a narcissist you aren't a person with feelings. You are an object and once you no longer provide a service to them, you no longer serve them any use.

In addition to their lack of empathy. The narcissist will never take accountability for why the relationship failed. To take the blame, would mean to admit their wrongs, which would lead to shame which is something that triggers a narcissistic injury. So when the discard happens,the narcissist will NEVER take accountability or even consider that they are reason why the relationship failed. Instead, they will blame you.

The discard is never kind either. You will feel like they threw you to the side like a dirty, used pair of old socks. This is the time that you'll see them appearing to be living their best lives. They'll be posting on Instagram like everything is fine, while you're sitting at home, dying inside with sadness because of the failed relationship.

One of two things may happen after you have been discarded by a narcissist OR have decided to leave the relationship with a narcissist. They will either: A) leave you alone or B) try to hoover you back into their life. The narcissist may leave you alone for good if they know they did a number on you emotionally. BUT if you appear to be thriving AFTER they discarded you, all they will see is another challenge. After all, the whole point of the relationship was about superiority and control. Once they feel out of control, they are willing to do whatever to hoover you back in. Which brings in our last phase THE HOOVER.


A narcissist will have no shame in their hoover game. They will beg, cry, yell, make false promises, threaten, guilt trip, spoil, love bomb and apologize for all their wrong doings just to get you back into their realm. If that doesn't work, don't be surprised, if their friends or family starts to call you to try and convince you to take them back. This is kind of exactly like the love bombing stage but this time, you guys have history together.

Don't ever think that a narcissist will change on their own. UNLESS they are currently in therapy and genuinely WANT to be better, the cycle of abuse will just start all over again. & once they’ve lured you back in with their charms and love bombs, they will fall right back into their old devaluation phase and bad habits. A narcissist needs a narcissistic supply to exist & without one, they feel incomplete. They will do and say whatever they can to get their way.

Be wise my loves and never let the same flame burn you twice!!

sending you lots of love & light ❤️

- Maya Benberry

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